I know this title is triggering (bad grammar aside) but what if I told you that you truly can have the relationship you really want? How would you feel if you woke up to coffee in bed and good morning kisses, encouragement and protection from the man of your dreams ? Or most importantly, how would refreshing would it feel to not have to live a life of stress trying to survive on your own and be allowed to be a feminine woman ?
I hope those questions didn’t seem to good to be true for you. Unfortunately, I sense that too many women have been burned by what they thought were good men and stressed themselves about turning themselves into what society told them were “good women”. How many times were you told good women hold down their men? Good women don’t expect men to provide? Good women handle their own? Good women are independent and my personal favorite, “Good women take care of their mans needs” Jesus, doesn’t that sound exhausting? Also, why doesn’t there seem to be requirements that men must live up to?
Wow women are told a lot of nonsense over the course of our lives and it’s probably why you’re reading this now, trying to find a clue. Your preacher, Steve Harvey, and your friend who can’t keep a man lied.
For now, I’m going to focus on why you aren’t in the relationship you so desperately want.
You see, it all begins with YOU being honest about what YOU REALLY WANT. Let’s start there. You have no idea what you really want. You haven’t given much thought to the type of man you want, you are merely chasing a feeling. Most of the time that feeling is influenced by what you saw on tv, in the movies and/or what you see your favorite reality star doing. You know good and well that mess is fake but it distracts you from thinking about what it is you DO want, and most importantly realizing that the situationship you are currently entertaining doesn’t serve you at all.
You see, if you never gave thought to what you don’t want in your relationship, you gonna stay going through it because you can’t recognize when you are going through the okey doke. All you can think about is how much you like him. When a person likes someone, they seek their approval and if you have internalized the bullsh*t above about what a “good woman” is, you’ll be running yourself ragged trying to prove you are a “good woman” to a man that doesn’t really meet your ideal criteria.
Men rarely settle and when they do they end up with the most accessible woman available to them at the time they realize they can’t scam young women anymore. Those men aren’t high value and they almost always post Facebook updates on their anniversaries that say something similar to “She’s been there through the ups and downs, she may not have been my first choice but she’s been there through the ups and downs. I love her for putting up with me” whew that’s embarrassing.
Don’t let that be you. If you’ve struggled with dating and finding your person, here are a few reasons why you may be struggling. Go to the next page for more.
Great article with ‘real talk’ facts! Thank you for writing this.
I enjoyed reading this!
I’m glad you enjoyed it Daniesha! Be sure to sign up for updates!
One of the best articles I have read in a long time. I am truly in awe at such a sound, and articulate piece you have decided to share. I have decided to work fully on myself. Self love is a full time job ,from now on I will work on things people can’t take away from me, that is my character and personality.
I’m am happy it resonated! I truly believe it starts with getting clear on what you want and not compromising our big picture. I recommend snagging a few of the books I mentioned to help you on your journey!
Look #4 hurt me to the core and I’ve been sitting on this one for awhile. I’ve always been okay with most of my close friend group being single (and the ones that aren’t being with men that don’t fit my personal standards) but as I’ve gotten older, I now understand how harmful that is to me and my journey. I like your book recommendations but how would you recommend finding/expanding to more like-minded friend groups as an adult?
It happens and a lot of times we don’t think about it. But it’s true, just like with most things, if you want something for yourself you need to get around people who have what you want. Surround yourself with likeminded people or people that can help you attract what you want. I’m not sure if there is a book that you need to read to know that you may want to expand your network of friends.
My question is how do I expand my network to gain like-minded close friendships? I’ve found as an adult it gets harder to do.
Pretty! This has been a really wonderful article. Thanks for supplying this information. Elli Doy Elle