You’re a misogynist.

Whew this is a doozy for a variety reasons. It’s precisely why why you’ve internalized the “good girl” stereotype and fight so hard to not be seen as a hoe when the reality is you need to be dating, figuring out what you want & don’t want, and seeking out the best man that will meet YOUR needs (when you finally decide to be honest about what your needs are).

It’s also the reason you reject your feminity. You don’t take pride in your appearance and hide yourself. You think your breasts should be hidden, your vagina is gross, and anything relating to being a woman is a hassle. You think women who have standards and require men to pay to play are gold diggers. You think women who get dolled up are vain. You have this insane belief that your body belongs to a man. You were taught to hate being a woman, and you were probably told the only thing men wanted from you is sex. You believe women are supposed to serve men.

If you internalize the misogyny you will find yourself running in circles trying to shrink yourself and stay out the way, while simultaneously trying to keep him happy by serving him. You probably can’t keep girlfriends either because you are jealous of other women (see above, you might be the hater friend too). You say passive aggressive things to your friends so they don’t want to be around you.

Misogynist women are often highly insecure because they deal with a self loathing that eats one up inside. These women haven’t learned to ask for what they want, nor do they believe they can get what they want. Carefree women trigger them. If this is you, you need to take a pause and de-center men. You need to get in touch with your divine feminine self. That self exists independent of a man and YOUR value does not come from a man. Your value does not come from a man. Your value is not dictated by your proximity to men.

My advice is really nurture your relationships with women.

These books will help you get back in touch with your femininity.